vrban:

I spend 800% of my life exaggerating 

(via holdyourballoons)

tobiasfunkey:

walking around in underwear and a blanket cape like the fuckin queen of unemployment

(via now-then-mardy-butt)

dallonjames:

when I was like 7 I found my brother’s porn on his computer and it was this story about a girl and she went to this mechanics place but she didn’t have any money so she payed with like sex and then so I thought that was how you paid for everything so once we went to target and I started unbuttoning my pants and my mother started screaming

(via now-then-mardy-butt)

pizzaprty:

when alex turner wears hte suits 

(via doiwannaknoww)

• friend: HEY REMEMBER WHEN YOU LIKED-
• me: continue and i will destroy you

egg-rolls:

one time i got a sample from the tea store at the mall and as i walked away the guy said “tea you later” and then his coworker smacked him

(via ridinghi)

40ozofevol:

shylabeouf:

actually my goal is to be a bitter, skinny woman who drinks her coffee black, always has her hair in a chignon in a black chanel suit and wears diamonds to breakfast while bashing everyone but nobody can say anything because i run the whole show

same same fucking same

(via ridinghi)

hello male followers

how do i convince boys to like me this is for science

(Source: , via crawl1ngbacktoyou)